perhaps my ultimate demise, or just reliving the past. . .

so, reliving the past, i would rather prefer not to, but i guess that's what i do the best. so here comes the secret. so at the end of last semester, i ended up kissing this guy, and then i left to go to vegas, and then home. i wasn't expecting to see him again because he's going on his mission, but he surprised me by showing up on the first day of classes. yeah!!! so we were dating and everything, but this last sunday i called it off, because it wasn't right.
so, what i have found out since then reminds me remarkably of my last boyfriend. let me sum up to the best of my ability. adam swope and i grew up together, were best friends, and then we started dating. i decided that i didn't want to date him anymore because i felt as if he would perhaps like to force his way. i decided that i would like to be his friend and everything, but when i called it off, it turned immediately from love/like to emnity and hatred. i watched him date this other girl just to spite me. i could never find any time to hang out with him anymore unless she was there. he was trying to tell me what i was missing out on. i don't regret the decission that i made, but i'm tired of paying for the fact that i said no. sorry, that was actually remarkably long, but remember, the new boyfriend story is a lot like this.
so last night one of my best friends came over to my house and said, you know what your boyfriend is a jerk. i stated that he wasn't my boyfriend anymore, but why would she think that. she then replied i want to break his legs. and i said, oh he's a player, because when she wants to break peoples legs, it means that they are players. I GOT PLAYED!!!!!!!!!!! that's what my roomates are trying to tell me, but the honest to goodness truth is that i just don't care anymore.
my roomates want me to exact my punishment on him. they want me to completely own him but here are some reasons why i just don't think it's a good idea.
number a. will it actually make me feel better? i don't think that it will because from many of my previous fights i always feel like i should apologize afterwards. if i hit him, i would feel like a jerk, and why feel like a jerk when i don't need to?
number b. if i hit him, i would probably break my hand, because my hands are stupid, not really made for punching. i'm going to be on drumline next year, and i would rather be able to practice so i can move up in the drumline.
number c. it would pretty much deprive me of my music making abilities. i wouldn't be able to play guitar. and it would also hurt to play the piano.
number d. if i did punch him, i wouldn't be able to write on this blog for caleb. THAT'S RIGHT CALEB, YOU GET THE SHOUT OUT!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!
and finally thing number e. he's just not worth the trouble. i don't care anymore. don't worry though, just because i'm not the one beating him up, other fhe brothers and apartment sisters are taking care of business for me. maybe i am just a little bit satisfied, but i just wish that this mess would end, because i'm sick of the roomies talking to me about this.
but anyways, peace out, and i will write back sooner for your reading appreciation. adios me amigos!!!!